Creating an Oasis of Routines and Rituals

4 April 08

Toddlerhood is an emotionally turbulent time, full of temper tantrums, irrational fears, and fierce independence, coupled with hugs, clinging behaviours, and boastful “Me do it!” statements. The routines and rituals you establish during this time can be crucial. At a time full of change, growth, joy, and frustration, your daily routines can be a calming oasis for your child, and act like a secure base to venture forth successfully and then return.

Have you noticed that one minute your toddler has an overwhelming passionate desire to be close to you, and then the very next minute an equally fierce force for independence? This is normal for toddlers! Some people refer to this developmental stage as the “rubber band” stage or the “bound away and back kangaroo” stage. No matter how you label it, your toddler is in a period of overwhelming conflict between independence and dependence. There is no better way for you and your child to partner and navigate through toddlerhood than by establishing meaningful and fun rituals.

Positive bedtime routines

Bedtime battles can be less of a problem with a positive routine in the 20 minutes before tucking your toddler in for the night. Most routines involve a mix of pre-bed tasks (bath, brushing teeth) and quiet, enjoyable activities (reading a story). The aim is to keep the atmosphere positive, using positive attention and praise.

A good bedtime routine smoothes the way for good night sleeping habits. Without a good routine, it can be hard for your toddler to settle to sleep. A routine can involve any number of activities; the key is that they are similar activities completed in roughly the same way each night.

Here is an example of a routine that can begin after dinner and a bath:

· breastfeed or bottle-feed (outside the bedroom)

· quiet play for 15-20 minutes (may include reading a book)

· into bedroom

· brief cuddle and kiss

· into bed

At the end of the 20-minute ‘positive period’, say goodnight. This is the time to be firm if your child resists. Be clear that it's now time for sleep and leave the room promptly.

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