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Learning to share

Sharing is one of the hardest lessons your child learns, and as a parent, one of the best ways to teach sharing is to remember how hard it is to do. Why is it so hard? This "one for me, one for you" pro-social behaviour counters almost everything a child knows in the first ego-centric years of her life. If she's standing in a room with 50 red balls, she really believes they all belong to her. So if you come in and want to play with one, it's just as hard for her to let go of one of those 50, as it is to let go of the only ball she's ever had. That's not fun and it's not easy.

Only gradually, around three years old, with more life experiences does she drop her ego-centric point of view, and grasp sharing. When she shares, she shows that she's reaching out to the world. The first reach is to the parent, the baby-sitter, grandparents, and siblings then she expands to include friends and schoolmates. Still, as the parent, you can help your child ease into the transition with the tips below: ·

• Distract the sharing tantrum.
• The time to talk about sharing isn't in the middle of a toy tug-of-war.
•  It's also best not to walk in and take the toy away. Choose something else, say, "Oh, look at the bird outside."
• There will be other opportunities to talk about sharing when the situation isn't so dramatic. ·
• If she's having friends over, remove things that you know your child cares about: a favourite blanket, a special toy.
• Put things out of sight, so there isn't that dilemma of sharing. ·
•  Recognise it, reinforce sharing. If your child hands another toy to a friend, you can say, "That's nice. You're sharing." ·
• The concept of "sharing" is abstract.
• It helps to make the concept more concrete, or real, when you bring attention to sharing moments by labelling them for your child.

Try this game of Musical Hula-Hoops at home to put a fun spin on sharing. It's like musical chairs where you take one away when the music stops, but no one gets eliminated and everybody wins! The idea is to get everyone to share the same small space and learn how to laugh and work with each other. For this game, choose music that's lively, but soothing. The children will likely be excited when playing this game, so choosing the right music can help them stay focused to play, and learn from the game. Musical Hula-Hoops · On the ground, place about one hula-hoop per every two or three children. ·

Play your favourite CD, and as the music plays, ask the children to walk around the hula-hoops, stepping from one hoop to the next. · When the music stops, everybody must have both feet inside a hoop. · Take one hoop away. · Start the music again. · Keep repeating until there is only one hoop left and all the children must find a way to fit inside!